whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
