so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
