My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
