he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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