How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
