Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
