i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
