Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
