Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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