yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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