i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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