last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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