You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
