people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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