Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
