obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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