I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
