you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I wish they made helmets for livers.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
