Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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