trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Randomize
