we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
