I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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