Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
