how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
