the condom got lost in my hair
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
