1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
