foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
