just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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