dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
