escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
