Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
