Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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