I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
