STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
