why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
