im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
