just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
