it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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