Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
