You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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