apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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