i wish my penis had a tongue
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
