i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
