I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
