How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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