Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
