apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
