I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
