i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
