My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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