Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
